The Nick Saban/Jimbo Fisher feud reminded most of us of an episode of Monday Night Raw. The public spat allowed me to combine my two favorite pastimes: college football and professional wrestling. It also led to a thought that is only possible in the offseason: If each of the 12 FBS head coaches in Texas were wrestlers, which wrestlers would they be? 

Jimbo Fisher 

The wrestler: JBL 

The shoot: John “Bradshaw” Layfield made a living playing the rich, better-than-you cowboy that Fisher’s arch is moving towards as head coach of the Texas A&M Aggies. JBL wasn’t afraid to lay down the law against opponents, in or outside the ring, and that’s a character trait in Fisher that was on full display during his response to Saban. Cowboy Bob Orton also came to mind, but his character didn’t possess the extra benefit of being loaded. 

Steve Sarkisian 

The wrestler: Jeff Hardy 

The shoot: Both offensive geniuses who aren’t afraid to take big offensive risks. They’re also guys who faced personal issues in the past. And like Hardy currently in AEW, Sark hopes to build his reputation as “the guy” rather than just a partner in crime. Hardy’s best successes were as a tag team partner. So far, Sark’s biggest wins were as a coordinator. Seth Rollins was another name that came to mind. 

Dave Aranda

The wrestler: Bryan Danielson 

The shoot: Most wrestlers, like football coaches, are big, macho men with puffed out chests and lively personalities. Not Aranda, and not Danielson. They’re both understated and probably more respected within the industry than by the casual fan. Danielson, known as Bryan Daniel in the WWE, is considered the best technical wrestler of this generation. Not many coaches could challenge Aranda’s schematic acumen. 

Joey McGuire 

The wrestler: Ric Flair 

The shoot: Put these two guys in the same room and the roof might explode into orbit. McGuire even uses a .gif of Flair when a commitment pledges to Texas Tech. They’ve both achieved individual and team success with Flair once starring as one of the Four Horsemen and McGuire winning three state titles in high school before helping Baylor build two Big 12 championship contending rosters in his tenure as an assistant in Waco. Neither is a stranger to a good time. 

Sonny Dykes 

The wrestler: Randy Orton 

The shoot: Wrestling is the family business in the Orton household. Coaching is the family trade for the Dykes family. Both Sonny and Randy know what it is like to live in their father’s shadow despite mounds of personal success. Orton isn’t afraid to turn on a partner when it is beneficial, which is what SMU fans feel like Dykes did when he took the TCU job.  

Dana Holgorsen 

The wrestler: Rowdy Piper 

The shoot: Piper was a live-wire who was arguably the most underrated wrestler of a generation because his personality and antics overshadowed his in-ring accomplishments. Does that sound familiar? Holgorsen is known to be a bit prickly in the heat of battle, much to our amusement as viewers. Piper was rarely the main event. Holgorsen, similarly, has made his bones as an offensive coordinator or a head coach at West Virginia and now Houston. I’d pay good money for a Holgorsen version of Piper’s Pit. 

Rhett Lashlee 

The wrestler: Adam Cole 

The shoot: Many consider Cole to be the next-great wrestler of the new generation, but he’s yet to star at on the big stage of WWE. Cole, who is moving up card at AEW, was a mainstay on the NXT roster before making the jump. Lashlee is also building a name for himself as a rising star in his industry. And like Cole, he does it with some style and confidence. 

Jeff Traylor 

The wrestler: Hangman Adam Page 

The shoot: I’m not sure either one of them is currently running any cattle, but they’re both no-nonsense current champions. Page owns the AEW title, while Traylor’s Roadrunners won their first-ever conference championship in 2021. They’re also both beloved by their respective fan bases. 

Seth Littrell 

The wrestler: Kurt Angle 

The shoot: Angle was a legitimate wrestler who won a gold medal (with a broken freaking neck). Littrell was a two-time state champion wrestler in Oklahoma as a high schooler, and I can guarantee you one thing: The state of Oklahoma takes amateur wrestling seriously. I wouldn’t mess with either one of those dudes. 

Dana Dimel 

The wrestler: Dusty Rhodes 

The shoot: Family is everything to Dimel, and that makes him the Rhodes of our generation. Both talk about their humble beginnings and difficulty in school. Both are tough dudes who bounced around a few spots before figuring it out. And both are nearly impossible to root against because of their relatability. It always felt like Rhodes was fighting an uphill battle, and that’s a challenge Dimel relishes in as a head coach. 

Mike Bloomgren 

The wrestler: Damien Sandow 

The shoot: Sandow was an intellectual in a land of brutes. That’s how I (jokingly) view Bloomgren, who has built his reputation as a college coach at Stanford and now Rice. 

Jake Spavital 

The wrestler: Orange Cassidy 

The shoot: Spavital is a laid-back guy who seems to beat to his own drum set. I can’t think of a wrestler who fits that bill more than Orange Cassidy. They’re both renegades, as well. Cassidy with his unorthodox style in the ring, much like Spavital’s recruiting strategy of essentially abandoning prep recruiting. They know what works best for them, and they’re all-in on those notions.